It is scary to think about the number of marriages that end in divorce. According to DivorceMagazine.com, 49% of all marriages today will end in divorce. If you follow the trends from the mid 1960’s to today, that number will continue to increase. How did we reach a place in life where divorce, the act of leaving the women you vowed to love and cherish, is so commonplace and so easy to achieve? One part of my wedding vows to my wife that I took seriously was, “’til death do us part.” Do the statistics indicate that 50% of people in general will abandon their commitments because they just don’t have the energy to commit to a full-time relationship? 

I guess there are countless reasons and excuses for the astronomical number of divorces in the world today. Personally, I think it is just plain laziness. People do not want to work hard or invest the time. I know that some divorces are a necessity based on the situation and I think these can be addressed individually. However, on the whole, people need to invest the time to do it right and not bail out at the first sign of trouble. I don’t ever remember anyone telling me that life, much less a relationship, would be easy.
 

We’ve all heard the old adage that says we have a twin somewhere in the world. I’ve also heard that everyone has a soul mate somewhere in the world. I don’t know if either of these is true. Soul mate or not, you are still going to have to invest all your efforts in your relationship before it will be rewarding for you and your spouse. And, it can and will be so rewarding. Your investment in a relationship begins on a daily level. It begins on what I call the tightrope.

What is the tightrope, you might ask? Well, it is the invisible line that men (and women) walk when they wake up that determines how the interaction with their spouse will go that day. Your entire existence revolves around waking up every morning and teetering on the tightrope. One wrong move and you fall. The one bright side is that, God willing, you get the same chance the next day. Some days you are destined to fall and other days you barely hang on. The best days are those where you cruise across the tightrope like a ballet dancer, twirling and leaping, only to land delicately back on your feet. You will sometimes go weeks at a time, balancing perfectly on the tightrope. Other times, it will feel like you fall off every other day. If you are truly in sync with your spouse, the days you stay on the tightrope will outweigh those that you fall.

There really is no way to influence the meanderings on the tightrope. A comment that was funny yesterday might be an insult today or atrocious behavior yesterday might be the topic of a hilarious conversation today. What might influence those first few steps on the tightrope each morning? Almost anything! Your spouse might wake up one morning and roll over and you smile that tentative smile in the hopes that things will be good. All the while, unbeknownst to you, she is thinking, “I can’t believe I married this man.” On the other hand, you might have snored all night, hogged most of the bed, and stolen the covers. Nevertheless, she wakes up and you can tell by the warm smile on her face that she loves you and the day is going to be good. The tightrope, just like men and women, can be very fickle and unpredictable.

I can remember many times when something was funny one day yet not the next day and it ruined the entire day. I have called my wife the “B” word one day and had her slam doors and ignore me for the rest of that day only to laugh about it the next day when I say, “man, you were really a b---- yesterday!” I agreed with my wife when she said she needed to start exercising and it made her so mad that all she could do was cry and say that I had called her fat. The next day, she came to me and said that I was right; she really did need to start exercising. We’ve laughed over how crazy her parents act one day and I mention the same subject the next day and she flies off the handle. I have stopped trying to make sense of it and just learned to live with it. On the whole, the first 30 minutes to an hour determines whether or not you stay on the tightrope.

Some days can be salvaged even if you fall off the tightrope. On the other hand, days can be ruined even if they started out going well. As your relationship grows, you develop the much-needed tightrope walking skills that help you navigate through the day. Sometimes, no matter how great your skills are, you will still fall off. In the beginning of a relationship, the guys are like the proverbial bull in a china shop trying to walk on a thread. For some guys, they might as well wake up and hit themselves on the head with a bat. There is a much better chance that they will get sympathy for their injury instead of being successful navigating the tightrope. Other guys are naturals and can wake up and move across the rope with relative ease. If you are the bull in the china shop, do not fear. Even the suave, ballet-dancing tightrope walker will fall. 

For the working class tightrope walker (like me), you have to spend each day observing the actions or comments that caused you to fall and remember to avoid them in the future. If you find something (a comment or behavior) that rectifies a fall from the tightrope, save it, harbor it, and use it only in extreme circumstances. Finally, if and when your wife gets pregnant, throw all the well-learned rules out the window and expect to learn a new set of rules that will apply to the next nine months. My wife is pregnant as I am writing this so I am learning the new set of rules and they seem to change every day.

Why would anyone want to live under such adverse conditions? I return to my earlier comment that if you are truly in sync with your partner, the good days will outweigh the bad. No matter how it goes on a day-to-day basis, when you put all of the days together, your good days will outshine the bad ones. There are times when things seem to always go wrong. Be that as it may, if you are in love and dedicated to your selected partner, your relationship will prosper. The other alternative is to spend your time alone without the stimulating, and sometimes frustrating, interactions of a long-term relationship. 

The moral of the tightrope story and the reason I continue to exist, and to thrive, under such adverse conditions is, I really love my wife and if she can put up with me being stupid, I can walk the tightrope. After being together for 13+ years, I would not trade it for the world!! My suggestion to you, stick with it no matter how hard it gets and the rewards will be remarkable. If after only two or three years you feel like it is too much of a struggle and are considering a divorce, think of the alternatives and reinvest yourself in your relationship. I recall the words from Ecclesiastes 9:9: “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life which he has given you under the sun …” and my faith and energy are renewed. I am grateful for my life under the sun and for the wonderful spouse that God gave me. So, willingly embrace the tightrope and dance like you’ve never danced before. The outcome will be wonderful!